Back in Prague

Ok a quick recap:

We ended up with 5 frozen embryos! Hazel and I travelled to Prague and stayed in London a for a few days with Jessica. Once we arrived in Prague it was definitely a struggle to get settled. I ended up having some of the worst panic attacks I have had in years and actually considered flying home. I managed to push through with the support of Jason, my sister, and my mom's group. My mom's group started a group video chat to help support me and it was a lifesaver! Once we were settled we had an amazing time. We visited so many playgrounds, wandered the streets of Prague, and ate a lot of ice cream.

Jason's mom agreed to come out and arrived the day before the transfer. It was such a relief to have her there to watch Hazel. Five days after the transfer I took a pregnancy test and it looked pretty negative but then I took another one later that day and I was sure there was something there. The next day there was definitely a line!!! We were pregnant!! I had my blood drawn at Iscare and while the number was low it was right on track with previous numbers. Due date of February 23, 2019.

Our flight home was an adventure including vomit, delayed flights, and dance parties. Hazel was SO excited to see her papa once we finally arrived. I had two additional blood draws that showed great doubling times. I had some spotting and cramping so I called my doctor to see about getting in for an early ultrasound so I went in at 6 weeks 5 days and we saw a heartbeat! AND Dr. B suspected that we were having TWINS. Mono-mono twins which are super high risk. She wasn't 100% sure because she couldn't get a good angle on both of them but we had another ultrasound scheduled at 7 weeks 2 days so hopefully we would know more then.

The next day I started bleeding bright red blood. I texted Dr. B and she told me what I already knew - we'd just have to wait and see. Jason's parents were here watching Hazel because we went to the movies for our anniversary. We headed home and I was able to put Hazel to bed. Once she was asleep the bleeding intensified. I bled and bled and bled. Handfuls of clots made me think I might be bleeding out but there wasn't any tissue - just blood. I called the on-call doc, and my sister in law who is a doctor and was reassured that I wasn't going to bleed out and didn't need to go to the ER. I really thought it was too much blood. The bleeding slowed down at about 11pm and I went to bed. The next morning it was light bleeding again but nothing like the night before. I called the on-call doc and she agreed to meet me at the clinic for an ultrasound to see if I had a miscarriage. About an hour before the appointment I started having intense cramps and felt the need to push. The ultrasound confirmed that there was no longer a heartbeat and she was able to visualize tissue that was stuck in my cervix and removed it. It was the amniotic sac but it had already burst. I had an ultrasound a few days later that confirmed I had passed all the "products of conception" meaning my body has successfully miscarried and a D&C wasn't required. This miscarriage was very different from my previous one but emotionally painful nonetheless. So much effort to get pregnant and such a blow to have ripped away. I snuggled Hazel a little tighter over the following days and decided to plan our next trip to Prague because that is how I deal with grief - by planning.

On the road again.

Back in November we decided to put down a deposit for another donor cycle. Friends of ours were in the Czech Republic and they offered to bring our prescription medications back to the US. 

HUGE savings $$$

Fast forward to April 10 and we receive an email from Iscare saying that we have a matching donor!! This is was the info Iscare gave me: She is 25 years old, blood group AB-, green blue eyes, brown hair, 165 cm, 53 kg. Has 1 child, successfully donated once. She works as an operator, has high school education. She has been very kind and responsible during her previous donation and throughout this new cycle.

We had days to decide if we were ready to move forward and if so Jason was needed over there ASAP.  We weren't sure of the exact timeline but between Jay's 70th birthday party and Jason's one weekend a month that he works - we booked him a flight to Prague on April 19th. Today (April 24th) he went to Iscare to give them his sperm sample. He met with Bea (our donor coordinator) and filled out all the paperwork. Today he headed to Dublin, Ireland for a few days before coming home on Saturday.

I have been home with Hazel and we've been doing just fine. As long as she is outside she is as happy as a clam. Solo-parenting for 10 days is just a little preview of what is to come next month when Hazel and I are in Prague. We have a flight May 22 to London where I will be staying with my dear friend Jessica for a few days. We arrive in Prague May 26 and stay in an AirBnB for a week. Our friends, Dan and Jana, will be in America in June so they offered to let us stay in their flat. While I am sad that I will only get to see them for a week, I am so grateful to be able to stay in their flat. It is going to save us SO MUCH MONEY and they have 2 children so Hazel will have everything she needs there. I have a return flight on June 19th but if the first donor cycle doesn't take then we will extend out trip and try again before heading home.

And a selfie for good measure.

xo

Birth Story .... (6 months late)

On Friday morning Jan 20, I got out of bed at 8:30 am and felt a tiny trickle of fluid. Baby had been putting pressure down low so I thought that maybe I peed my self a little. I walked into my kitchen with my underwear in my hands to tell Jason about it when more fluid trickled out. I still wasn’t convinced so I lay down for 30 min with a pad on to see if anymore came out – nothing. I called my midwife’s office and let them know and they said to just monitor it throughout the day as I had an BPP (biophysical profile) at 3pm that day with my OB. I had another small trickle but nothing that made me really believe it was my water. At my OB’s office, she called the lab for a special test to be certain, as I am GBS+ so I waited for that to arrive until about 4pm. She did the test and then sent it off and proceeded to do the BPP. I had plenty of amniotic fluid at that point. Just as she finished up she got the call from the lab saying it was in fact amniotic fluid – she looked at me and said you are having a baby! - head to the hospital to get started on antibiotics. She also said that she wanted me to take cytotec so help soften my cervix. She didn’t want to check me until I had a dose of antibiotics on board but she did visualize my cervix when she swabbed it and said that it was MAYBE 2cm. I asked if I could go home and get my bag and she said no. So I called Jason and he didn’t answer (he was at the hospital working so I knew I could find someone to find him). I called my Hypnobabies doula and by about 5pm I was in a room with Jason and my doula.

At this point, I felt VERY anxious. My water had been broken for 8 hrs but I wasn’t having any contractions or even any cramping. The nurses hadn’t started the antibiotics and I was very hesitant to take the cytotec. My midwife was out of town but I knew she was with some friends of mine so I called them and asked her to call me. She reassured me that she would also recommend that I take the cytotec. (Just a little back story – I switched to my midwife because I wanted a water birth and my OB said I couldn’t have one but the midwife said I could. I absolutely LOVE my OB and was so thankful she was the one that was on call for my midwife). Feeling so unsettled without bags, I sent Jason home to get the bags and pick me up a cheeseburger and fries. At about 7:30 Dr. B (OB) comes into the room and I tell her I have yet to have antiobotics… she flips out and gets it going ASAP. I also get my first dose of cytotec. My doula heads home and tells us which hypnobabies tracks to listen to and to call her once things get going. Most importantly she says – get some sleep! 

I toss and turn until 11:30ish (Jason actually sleeps) and they give me my next dose of antiobotics and cytotec. Still NOTHING is happening so I take a benadryl that Dr. B ordered in hopes of sleeping. About 15 min later I am roused with my first contraction. I try and sleep though them and use my hypnobabies techniques until around 2am when I wake Jason and let him know I need to get into the tub. I labor in the tub for about an hour and Jason times my contractions – they were about 2-3 min apart. At 3am I tell Jason to call my doula and I get out of the tub (I was SO HOT). Miranda (my doula) shows up at 3:20 am and as she is walking in I am saying I CAN’T do this! I had my “bloody show” while peeing and then Miranda gets us focused and set up on the birth ball fully supported with a mountain of pillows. Over the next 2 hrs my water proceeds to gush several times followed by one big gush while Jason was pressing on my back.

I don’t think that I had back labor but I wanted counter pressure on my back during each contraction. At 5:30 I look at Miranda and say – I think I need to push. She says – ok, push. I was like – what? Shouldn’t I be checked or the doctor be here or something? Shortly after the nurse came in and asked if I wanted to be checked. I said no because I was afraid of feeling the way I was and not being very dilated. At about 6:15am I asked to be checked and the nurse said you are complete and ready to have a baby! 

Dr. B shows up maybe 10 minutes later and we got the foot of the bed dropped so I was in a squatting position with the bar on the bed. The sun was rising so we opened the blinds and we were having a snowstorm! It looked like we were in a snow globe. So amazing. My contractions spread out a bit and I was able to rest in between. We did mother directed pushing so I pushed when I felt like it and as long as I felt like. Dr. B was there the whole time and was such a wonderful support – telling me that I was doing this perfect. She was the perfect person to witness my baby's birth. I was able to reach down and feel her head just inside - then I was at a point where my body said it was time for the baby to come out and I pushed and out came her head and Dr. B unwrapped the cord and then the rest of her came out. She was placed on my chest immediately and got checked out. Shortly after she started nursing and continued to do so for about 1.5 hrs. My placenta was birthed about 15 min after Hazel was born. I tore so Dr. B stitched me up and gave my vagina a spa experience with warm water. After about 2.5 hrs they took her to weigh and measure her and she weighed 6lbs 13oz and was 20.5 inches long and was officially born at 7:59 am as millions of women marched for women’s rights. Such a perfect day to bring my fierce little one into this world.

Jason, in all his excitement accidentally called vernix (the white stuff) meconium (poop). Ha!

5 Months

4 Months

3 Months

2 Months

Someday I'll find time to write again. Until then there's this smile to hold you over.