Back in Prague

Ok a quick recap:

We ended up with 5 frozen embryos! Hazel and I travelled to Prague and stayed in London a for a few days with Jessica. Once we arrived in Prague it was definitely a struggle to get settled. I ended up having some of the worst panic attacks I have had in years and actually considered flying home. I managed to push through with the support of Jason, my sister, and my mom's group. My mom's group started a group video chat to help support me and it was a lifesaver! Once we were settled we had an amazing time. We visited so many playgrounds, wandered the streets of Prague, and ate a lot of ice cream.

Jason's mom agreed to come out and arrived the day before the transfer. It was such a relief to have her there to watch Hazel. Five days after the transfer I took a pregnancy test and it looked pretty negative but then I took another one later that day and I was sure there was something there. The next day there was definitely a line!!! We were pregnant!! I had my blood drawn at Iscare and while the number was low it was right on track with previous numbers. Due date of February 23, 2019.

Our flight home was an adventure including vomit, delayed flights, and dance parties. Hazel was SO excited to see her papa once we finally arrived. I had two additional blood draws that showed great doubling times. I had some spotting and cramping so I called my doctor to see about getting in for an early ultrasound so I went in at 6 weeks 5 days and we saw a heartbeat! AND Dr. B suspected that we were having TWINS. Mono-mono twins which are super high risk. She wasn't 100% sure because she couldn't get a good angle on both of them but we had another ultrasound scheduled at 7 weeks 2 days so hopefully we would know more then.

The next day I started bleeding bright red blood. I texted Dr. B and she told me what I already knew - we'd just have to wait and see. Jason's parents were here watching Hazel because we went to the movies for our anniversary. We headed home and I was able to put Hazel to bed. Once she was asleep the bleeding intensified. I bled and bled and bled. Handfuls of clots made me think I might be bleeding out but there wasn't any tissue - just blood. I called the on-call doc, and my sister in law who is a doctor and was reassured that I wasn't going to bleed out and didn't need to go to the ER. I really thought it was too much blood. The bleeding slowed down at about 11pm and I went to bed. The next morning it was light bleeding again but nothing like the night before. I called the on-call doc and she agreed to meet me at the clinic for an ultrasound to see if I had a miscarriage. About an hour before the appointment I started having intense cramps and felt the need to push. The ultrasound confirmed that there was no longer a heartbeat and she was able to visualize tissue that was stuck in my cervix and removed it. It was the amniotic sac but it had already burst. I had an ultrasound a few days later that confirmed I had passed all the "products of conception" meaning my body has successfully miscarried and a D&C wasn't required. This miscarriage was very different from my previous one but emotionally painful nonetheless. So much effort to get pregnant and such a blow to have ripped away. I snuggled Hazel a little tighter over the following days and decided to plan our next trip to Prague because that is how I deal with grief - by planning.

On the road again.

Back in November we decided to put down a deposit for another donor cycle. Friends of ours were in the Czech Republic and they offered to bring our prescription medications back to the US. 

HUGE savings $$$

Fast forward to April 10 and we receive an email from Iscare saying that we have a matching donor!! This is was the info Iscare gave me: She is 25 years old, blood group AB-, green blue eyes, brown hair, 165 cm, 53 kg. Has 1 child, successfully donated once. She works as an operator, has high school education. She has been very kind and responsible during her previous donation and throughout this new cycle.

We had days to decide if we were ready to move forward and if so Jason was needed over there ASAP.  We weren't sure of the exact timeline but between Jay's 70th birthday party and Jason's one weekend a month that he works - we booked him a flight to Prague on April 19th. Today (April 24th) he went to Iscare to give them his sperm sample. He met with Bea (our donor coordinator) and filled out all the paperwork. Today he headed to Dublin, Ireland for a few days before coming home on Saturday.

I have been home with Hazel and we've been doing just fine. As long as she is outside she is as happy as a clam. Solo-parenting for 10 days is just a little preview of what is to come next month when Hazel and I are in Prague. We have a flight May 22 to London where I will be staying with my dear friend Jessica for a few days. We arrive in Prague May 26 and stay in an AirBnB for a week. Our friends, Dan and Jana, will be in America in June so they offered to let us stay in their flat. While I am sad that I will only get to see them for a week, I am so grateful to be able to stay in their flat. It is going to save us SO MUCH MONEY and they have 2 children so Hazel will have everything she needs there. I have a return flight on June 19th but if the first donor cycle doesn't take then we will extend out trip and try again before heading home.

And a selfie for good measure.

xo

Birth Story .... (6 months late)

On Friday morning Jan 20, I got out of bed at 8:30 am and felt a tiny trickle of fluid. Baby had been putting pressure down low so I thought that maybe I peed my self a little. I walked into my kitchen with my underwear in my hands to tell Jason about it when more fluid trickled out. I still wasn’t convinced so I lay down for 30 min with a pad on to see if anymore came out – nothing. I called my midwife’s office and let them know and they said to just monitor it throughout the day as I had an BPP (biophysical profile) at 3pm that day with my OB. I had another small trickle but nothing that made me really believe it was my water. At my OB’s office, she called the lab for a special test to be certain, as I am GBS+ so I waited for that to arrive until about 4pm. She did the test and then sent it off and proceeded to do the BPP. I had plenty of amniotic fluid at that point. Just as she finished up she got the call from the lab saying it was in fact amniotic fluid – she looked at me and said you are having a baby! - head to the hospital to get started on antibiotics. She also said that she wanted me to take cytotec so help soften my cervix. She didn’t want to check me until I had a dose of antibiotics on board but she did visualize my cervix when she swabbed it and said that it was MAYBE 2cm. I asked if I could go home and get my bag and she said no. So I called Jason and he didn’t answer (he was at the hospital working so I knew I could find someone to find him). I called my Hypnobabies doula and by about 5pm I was in a room with Jason and my doula.

At this point, I felt VERY anxious. My water had been broken for 8 hrs but I wasn’t having any contractions or even any cramping. The nurses hadn’t started the antibiotics and I was very hesitant to take the cytotec. My midwife was out of town but I knew she was with some friends of mine so I called them and asked her to call me. She reassured me that she would also recommend that I take the cytotec. (Just a little back story – I switched to my midwife because I wanted a water birth and my OB said I couldn’t have one but the midwife said I could. I absolutely LOVE my OB and was so thankful she was the one that was on call for my midwife). Feeling so unsettled without bags, I sent Jason home to get the bags and pick me up a cheeseburger and fries. At about 7:30 Dr. B (OB) comes into the room and I tell her I have yet to have antiobotics… she flips out and gets it going ASAP. I also get my first dose of cytotec. My doula heads home and tells us which hypnobabies tracks to listen to and to call her once things get going. Most importantly she says – get some sleep! 

I toss and turn until 11:30ish (Jason actually sleeps) and they give me my next dose of antiobotics and cytotec. Still NOTHING is happening so I take a benadryl that Dr. B ordered in hopes of sleeping. About 15 min later I am roused with my first contraction. I try and sleep though them and use my hypnobabies techniques until around 2am when I wake Jason and let him know I need to get into the tub. I labor in the tub for about an hour and Jason times my contractions – they were about 2-3 min apart. At 3am I tell Jason to call my doula and I get out of the tub (I was SO HOT). Miranda (my doula) shows up at 3:20 am and as she is walking in I am saying I CAN’T do this! I had my “bloody show” while peeing and then Miranda gets us focused and set up on the birth ball fully supported with a mountain of pillows. Over the next 2 hrs my water proceeds to gush several times followed by one big gush while Jason was pressing on my back.

I don’t think that I had back labor but I wanted counter pressure on my back during each contraction. At 5:30 I look at Miranda and say – I think I need to push. She says – ok, push. I was like – what? Shouldn’t I be checked or the doctor be here or something? Shortly after the nurse came in and asked if I wanted to be checked. I said no because I was afraid of feeling the way I was and not being very dilated. At about 6:15am I asked to be checked and the nurse said you are complete and ready to have a baby! 

Dr. B shows up maybe 10 minutes later and we got the foot of the bed dropped so I was in a squatting position with the bar on the bed. The sun was rising so we opened the blinds and we were having a snowstorm! It looked like we were in a snow globe. So amazing. My contractions spread out a bit and I was able to rest in between. We did mother directed pushing so I pushed when I felt like it and as long as I felt like. Dr. B was there the whole time and was such a wonderful support – telling me that I was doing this perfect. She was the perfect person to witness my baby's birth. I was able to reach down and feel her head just inside - then I was at a point where my body said it was time for the baby to come out and I pushed and out came her head and Dr. B unwrapped the cord and then the rest of her came out. She was placed on my chest immediately and got checked out. Shortly after she started nursing and continued to do so for about 1.5 hrs. My placenta was birthed about 15 min after Hazel was born. I tore so Dr. B stitched me up and gave my vagina a spa experience with warm water. After about 2.5 hrs they took her to weigh and measure her and she weighed 6lbs 13oz and was 20.5 inches long and was officially born at 7:59 am as millions of women marched for women’s rights. Such a perfect day to bring my fierce little one into this world.

Jason, in all his excitement accidentally called vernix (the white stuff) meconium (poop). Ha!

5 Months

4 Months

3 Months

2 Months

Someday I'll find time to write again. Until then there's this smile to hold you over. 

1 Month

I'm very behind on the updates but I'll just drop this here for now. I will post the birth story and a few more details about the last month sometime soon. 

38 and 39 weeks

"Are you at the point where people are picking up the phone saying “Is the baby coming?!” when you call?

 

It’s right around this time that there’s a slooow shift from you being perceived as a glowing woman that is creating life, into a fat husk that’s hoarding that adorable baby they all want to see.

 

Some people can actually start getting a little testy as if you’re not going into labour on purpose.

 

Very few women go into labour on their due date (fewer than 5%) so try not to do what I did and count down the days to your due date figuring that’s when the baby would get here because it rarely happens.

 

How do you know if you’re in labour though?

 

Passing your mucus plug. Ah yes, the mucus plug. Once again medical professions have outdone themselves with the most disgusting terminology they could come up with.

 

Essentially you’ve lost the seal that kept your cervix closed for the pass nine months. It may come out as a lump or as increased discharge over a few days. The mucus may be tinted with red or brown, which is referred to as “bloody show”. Yep, bloody show.

 

I think we should refer to it as a baby cork and womb sealant.

 

No need to worry because it just means that the lid is off – labour could start in a couple of hours or even a couple of weeks. Just mention it to your medical practitioner when you see them next. Unless there’s blood, like real bright red bleeding, which could indicate issues with your placenta so shuffle off to hospital stat if you spot that.

 

Contractions are a good hint but Braxton Hicks contractions are always lurking to make you feel like a dummy for hitting the “show time” button. Try walking around if you have them though. Braxton Hicks contractions usually fade if you’re up and moving around versus sitting. Contractions also tend to get more intense with walking so that’s a good clue. If they start coming at regular intervals and increase in frequency, you’re probably ready to rock and roll. What you’re waiting for is 1-5-1, which is having contractions that are 1 minute long, every 5 minutes, for 1 hour. If you’re high risk your practitioner will probably want you in sooner.

 

Water breaking. You know how in movies a woman is always standing at a party while she delivers her “Oh my God, my water just broke” line accompanied by a gush of water? Well, this doesn’t happen to many women. In fact, most women are well into labour before their water breaks.

 

It is more likely to be a leak rather than a gush although those are sometimes hard to distinguish from sneaky urine and vaginal discharge, which are two other delightful side effects when you’re this pregnant. Easiest way to tell if you’re leaking amniotic fluid is to lie down. The fluid will pool in your vagina and come out when you stand up – pee and discharge won’t do that.

 

If you find you are leaking, pack yourself up and assume that you’ll be giving birth shortly. Once your water breaks you’ll either go into labour in the next 24 hours or your practitioner will start it for you.

 

Oh, if the fluid is green or brown call your doctor or midwife right away because that’s a sign that your baby may have pooped in utero and you don’t want the little monkey ingesting that.

 

Until that time though, I suggest you change your answering machine to “Hello, we can’t take your call right now, no, I’m not in labour, just not able to come to the phone. Leave a message and we’ll call you back later when I’m still not in labour.” Beep.

Or send them to haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com" - Pregnant Chicken

Size/Info: 20 in and 7.3 lbs is the current guess! Baby Hammitt is the size of a small watermelon, short hair cat, or box of Krispy Kreme donuts.  Her lungs are fully mature now and while she isn't growing in overall size so much she is still putting on weight and growing hair. Her brain size has increased by 30% over the last 4 weeks.  

What is new this week? (Last 2 weeks): I have still been seeing my midwife once a week and twice weekly NSTs and once weekly BPPs. Everything has been on track. My midwife has checked me a few times and at first she said that I was fingertip dilated but then said I was completely closed. Damn. Janet and Dr. B have been talking and decided they wanted to induce me at 39 weeks but as my cervix hasn't been opening - my midwife thinks we should wait. She consulted the notes from Maternal Fetal Medicine and they said I could go until 40 weeks. Then I got a phone call from my midwife and she said that her and Dr. B want to induce me on Monday at 39 weeks 4 days. Their reasoning is that it is a compromise between what Dr. B wants and what MFM wants and both of them are on call. I am really torn as I want no medical interventions BUT Dr. B's concern is still birth with my advanced maternal age. I am not sure how one decides when still birth is thrown out there and the ultimate goal is a healthy baby but I do worry that medical interventions will lead to a c-section. For now the plan is to get checked on Monday at 39 weeks 4 days and make a decision then.

Baby come out hike

We finished putting together the baby plan so now we are all set to have a baby and everything will go as planned, right?!?

Symptoms: The baby has dropped and I can BREATHE!! I have felt so much better over the last 2 weeks. I worked up through Jan 11. and since I have stopped working the swelling has all but gone away in my feet. Yay!! My acid reflux is still horrendous and my joints are killing me - my knees hurt with all this extra weight and squatting down hurts them so bad! Hands are still swelling and I feel like a walrus on dry land when rolling over in bed.

Food Aversions:  Just feed me and tell me I'm pretty.

Food Cravings: Cold beverages! If I had smaller ice I might even chew on it!

Fitness: Can I remove this already?

Bump: I think because she has dropped I look smaller at 39 weeks! My face is definitely not as swollen.

Medications: The Heparin is the WORST!!! I am SO SORE.

7:30am: 750 units of Heparin

9am: 1 Prenatal and 2 DHA

7:30pm: 750 units of Heparin

Baby Preparations: Car seat is installed. Baby changing pad made. Diaper pail liner made. I have been sewing like crazy! Yay for nesting. I replaced the batteries for the baby monitor. Jason installed the cloth diaper sprayer - what a pain in the as with our weird toilet - on a side note he fixed the flushing mechanism on the toilet and I am so happy (it's the little things!). He also built a shelf for me downstairs to help better organize our crowded space. He's so handy. We got a go-pro from a friend so we are ready to video the birth!! Now we just need baby to come out!

35, 36 and 37 weeks

Again I was a SLACKER in posting!! Oops!


"Can I get a woot woot for full term? Aw, hell yeah! You’re good to go anytime now, sugar bum.

Your baby is inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid and taking its digestive tract for a test run so it can produce the stickiest, grossest, black/green poop you’ll ever witness when he or she is born. It’s called meconium and it should be used to maintain the structural integrity of suspension bridges because it’s so gummy and hard to get off things, but it’s actually composed of the stuff your baby ingested during its stay in the womb.

Your baby has also most likely settled in the head down position but if your kid is stubborn and still hasn’t turned, you’ll probably be offered an external cephalic version (ECV), which is fancy way of saying they are going to turn your baby by manipulating your belly. If that doesn’t work, they may recommend a c-section but, depending on where your baby is, a vaginal delivery may still be possible. In the meantime, here are some tips to get that little monkey to turn – the “Underwater Piñata” is still my favourite.

Oh, and if you’re going to have a hospital birth you may want to get packed for show time if you haven’t already. Sure you really don’t need much but it’s so nice to feel comfortable during a time when you probably aren’t always going to feel so great. Toothbrush, flip-flops and gum are my top tips, but you can find the whole list here." -Pregnant Chicken

Size/Info: It is really all a guess at this point but my app says 19.1 inches and 6.3lbs. The baby is gaining about 1/2 an oz each day. She continues to work her facial muscles and may even be smiling. Her fingernails now extent beyond the tip of her fingers (omg, I have to file or cut them!!). Technically, we are at "early term" Which is full term but just early. Even though her lungs are likely mature, she is not finished growing. She is practicing for her big day by practicing breathing by inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid. Her head (which is still growing) will be the same size as her chest when she is born... weird.

What's new this week? Or rather over the last 3 weeks...: I have continued to have 2x weekly NSTs and once weekly BPPs. Despite all that monitoring, I have gone to Labor and Delivery at least once - maybe twice because of movement changes. I just can't shake the anxiety I feel. She has always passed but I still freak out. We have had 2 growth scans at 35 weeks and 37 weeks. Dr. B did the 35 week one and Dr. Pearson did the 37 week one. She hardly grew between those two scans and she dropped from the 50th % to the 25th %. None of the docs or midwife seemed concerned - but of course I am!! Her movements have changed again and that freaks me out. I just want her to be here already so I know she is safe... Although once she is here, I am sure I will just worry about something else. I don't want to be that over anxious mother but I am not sure at this point how to calm my fears. I feel like we are so close and I am SO afraid that something will go wrong.

We completed our Hypnobabies class and one of the last tracks I listened to is the fear clearing track. I need to listen to it again (and again) until the baby is here! Now that class is over, we have our maintenance program where we listen to specific tracks each day. It has been so much easier for me to have a set schedule and adhere to that. My doula is out of town until I am 38 weeks at which point she goes on call for me. So even though I want baby here now, I want to wait for my doula to be back so she can guide us through this amazing process. I am really excited for my birthing time. One thing we worked on at the end of my classes was my birthing preferences aka birth plan. Plan sounds to definite so preferences leaves some room for changes as they arise. Here is what we have so far:

 The next thing I need to put together is our Baby Preferences. We already know what we want, I just have to create the plan like this one...

Christmas was great. we went o Montrose on Christmas Eve and spent the night with Kim, Matt and the boys. Children make Christmas so much fun! Jason had to work at noon so we drove home at 10am and I spent the day at home and made Thai food for dinner. New Years Eve consisted of Domino's with Eric and Shannon. I did manage to stay up until Midnight, but just barely. Whew.

Jason and I went to Sam's club and shopped for ingredients to make Crock-pot freezer meals. I have this list with 30 freezer meals (10 recipes) with the whole shopping list that I found on-line. We shopped on a Saturday and I made 27 of the 30 meals on Sunday. I was SO EXHAUSTED after making them. But I feel really good about having food ready for when baby is here. Jason made us breakfast sandwiches and burritos so we also have those ready to go! It is hard not eating that food now...

Symptoms: I have been so uncomfortable. The swelling is out-of-hand. My right ankle looks like there are no bones in there and my fingers are sausages. My face is also pretty full and round. BIG NEWS!!! I had a sleep study done and I have moderate to severe sleep apnea! 25 times an hour I was not breathing. So now I have a c-pap machine and I can sleep. Thank you baby Jesus! Now I only wake up to pee about 3-4 times a night and I no longer snore. Jason is really happy about that. It didn't take me long to adjust to the mask. I really needed the sleep! My only issue is that I get out of breath getting out of bed and rolling over AND one nostril is always plugged so I have to wait until I can catch my breath after peeing before I can put the mask on. I've only fallen back asleep once without it and Jason woke me up because I went right back to snoring. Ha! I have a weekly appointment with the respiratory therapist to make sure the settings don't need to be changed as they haven't dealt with pregnancy induce sleep apnea and the doc wanted me monitored. So far everything has been good!

This is me getting the sleep study done... I was hooked up to so many wires and a man in another room watched me sleep... weird.

This is my c-pap mask. Jason says I look like an elephant! I LOVE elephants, so great!

Food Aversions:  Ragu suace

Food Aversions:  None really.

Food Cravings: Same -chocolate milk, broccoli, fizzy water and COLD water. But also, cold ginger beer. Yum!

Fitness: HA!

Bump: Everyone at work now says - looks like you are about to pop! Yes, I am huge!

Yep. Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

Medications: No more prednisone!!!

7:30am: 40mg Lovonox injection in the belly weeks 35-36. At 37 weeks I started Heparin and man I am bruising like CRAZY!!

9am: 1 Prenatal and 2 DHA

7:30pm: 40mg Lovonox injection in the belly weeks 35-36. At 37 weeks I started Heparin and man I am bruising like CRAZY!!

I changed to Heparin so that they can give me something to reverse the effects if need be during my birthing time. I really do not like the heparin...

Baby Preparations: My sister Sylvia got us the Owlet Monitor!!! I am so stinking excited!!!! Hopefully this calms my anxiety once she is here. I have started colleting things to take to the hospital - like snacks, baby clothes, toiletries, a personal hand held fan that my sister in law said I might need..., the breast-friend (it is like a boppy but maybe more supportive), clothing for me and a list of things to gather once my birthing time begins. I still need to get Jason some clothes together. I really need to go through the clothes that I have picked out to take to the hospital for the baby - I am pretty sure I have about 20 outfits... I do love to overpack! And I have no idea how big she's going to be or what colors will look the best - I am ridiculous, I know! The other thing we need to do is install the car seat and go get it checked out wherever you do that. Also I am feeling like I need to take a breastfeeding class as I am starting to feel like I might be a little under prepared for what is to come...