First days back in Prague and first appointment

Have I mentioned how much I hate flying? All in all, my trip wasn't that bad. I had a meltdown in DIA but managed to pull though with some inspiring words from a friend and a sweet DIA therapy dog. I totally cried while petting this dog but I definitely felt better after. I managed to get about 5 hours of sleep on the long flight from Chicago to Frankfurt and when I arrived Sunday night in Prague, I felt pretty good. I checking into my Airbnb rental and dropped my bags and headed to the best burger place ever, Dish. It was every bit as wonderful as I remember. With a full belly, I headed to sleep.

Outside of the flat, the sunset with St. Vitus Cathedral in the distance

The best burger EVER.

To start out day 2 in Prague, I headed to one of our favorite breakfast spots, Monolok and then headed to my favorite park, Riegrovy Sady for a bit of exercise. It was a perfect day out. All of the trees are blooming and it smelled so good in the park. I met up with my friend, Jana, and her daughter at a playground near our old flat. It was so wonderful to see friendly faces. After, I headed to a small bread/pastry shop we liked to call "Free Bread" because it was so cheap it was almost free! While I was sitting there enjoying my yummy treat, I decided to try and see or do something new each day while in Prague. I headed the 100 yards over to this odd looking church that Jason and I probably saw most everyday while in Prague but never managed to make in inside as it has weird hours. The doors were open so I walked into Kostel nejsvětějšího srdce Páně.  Mass was going on, so I only stayed for a few minutes but I was definitely glad to finally see inside. I finished off the evening eating at Masala and had the best Chicken Makahni ever. Jason and I were just talking about this place last week. It is so yummy. Night 2 of sleep didn't come as easy and is probably the reason day 3 started off the way it did.

The classic view from Riegrovy Sady

 Later in the day at the same park. The flowers were electric!

Not the church i went into... This one is at Namesti Miru.

On Tuesday, I woke up with a bit of anxiety. I had a small breakfast at the flat and then headed out to get my public transport pass. When we were here last, Jason got our passes so it took me a little to figure out which station I could purchase a longer pass from -- which meant that I rode the metro to one stop and then was told to go to another stop and at that stop was then again sent to another. I ended up at the train station to get my pass and after perused a bookstore in search of an easy reading book. I am currently reading All the Pretty Horses but I wanted something a bit lighter as well. I didn't find anything and decided to head over toward Iscare for a quick lunch before my appointment. 

At my appointment, I first met with the travel IVF coordinator, Beatriz, which was a little funny because I had been there many times before but now that I am not living in Prague there was a little more hand holding. She started explaining to me what we were going to do. She is very nice but I was just ready to finally meet with the doctor. I was happy that my appointment was with Dr. Marika Jarzembovska. She was the one who I met with prior to my last transfer and suggested putting me on prednisone and blood thinners. She also did the actual transfer and said to me - be pregnant this time. She said this time I want you to stay pregnant. While trying to coordinate what medications to take from afar, there was a little push back from the coordinator and Dr. Hulvert regarding the necessity of me being on a blood thinner. I kept asking if they had consulted Dr. Jarzembovska and Beatriz said she had... During my appointment I asked about it again and mentioned the blood tests I'd had done which showed a +APA and Protein C deficiency and she immediately said, yes you need to be on Fraxiparine starting today. The coordinator looked a bit shocked and I was relieved to finally feel heard. Then she did a vaginal ultrasound and said my lining looked perfect and my ovaries were quiet (aka had not begun to develop follicles). She made sure I had stopped the Leuprolide injections (which suppress the ovaries) and gave me a rundown on all the medications. I take 8 different pills in the morning, one at lunch and two pills at night plus the Fraxiparine injection. It feels like a lot to manage with out Jason. I really wish he was able to be here with me. The other thing we discussed is the lack of donor eggs we have so far. They have another plan, there are several women who are coming in as part of the frozen oocyte program - meaning that they do not have someone they are specifically donating their eggs to and they want to possibly use one of these women for a fresh transfer in addition to the frozen transfer. She said though that she wants to decide which donor to use after they see how many eggs are retrieved. They will only fertilize if the retrieve a high number of eggs. There is one going in on Wednesday and one on Thursday. They will let me know that day if there are enough eggs.

After my appointment, I headed to another bookstore and purchased The Rosie Project as well as a Life After Birth: What Even Your Friends Won't Tell You About Motherhood. The latter of the two was in the used section and I thought why not totally freak myself out about this thing I have been struggling so hard to obtain - motherhood. I found a good bench to sit and read on while I ate my almond croissant. Then I wandered into the Jewish Quarter and visited the Old New Synagogue - my new activity for the day. Historically - impressive. Visually - simplistic. Then I headed to to the Rudolfinum where the Czech Philharmonic plays and inquired about tickets but the box office was closing. Then, out front, there were people arriving for a military concert. Quite impressive. I had dinner at new place called U Bulínů right next to the flat. It has good reviews and local Czech fare. My pancreas was a little irritated after the croissant, I think, so I had a simple soup and salad for dinner. It was perfect. 

Speaks for itself.

Franz Kafka monument

The Old New Synagogue

 Rudolfinum and the procession for the military concert.

Just another doorway in Prague. So beautiful.

Some light

"Some light"  was the title of the email I received on Thursday from donor coordinator at Iscare. Another couple backed out of using donor eggs and their selected donor, who was already in the stimulation process, was suddenly available for us to use if we wanted. We were told that she was already far along in her stimulation process and that we would need to make a decision quickly if we were to use her eggs. I called Jason and told him her phenotype and we agreed that she was a perfect match! On Friday we heard back from the coordinator that the donor would go in for retrieval first thing Saturday morning and that we could expect to hear a fertilization report on Monday.

So, as I type this, there are embryo's growing in a lab in Prague, that hopefully, one day, will become our child(ren). I booked tickets for Prague departing April 30th and arriving Sunday, May 1st. They want to see me on day 8 of my cycle (which should be Monday May 2) as we are going to be doing a natural FET (no meds). This last month, I was over a week late starting my period but I think that was due to the pancreatitis. I am going to track my cycle with my basal body temperature to determine when I ovulate so I can know a little better when I'll start my period. Hopefully, the timing works out like I think it should. I am planning to stay until May 19 which should be around day 25 of my cycle which should give me enough buffer time in case my cycle is late.

We are very excited (although I will say I have set my expectations a bit lower this time) and I am doing my best to not to let my fears take over... I feel like my body/mind has a mind of it's own right now and I am just along for the ride. Tomorrow I am going to start my new medication... I've been putting it off but obviously what I am doing isn't working. This is my new mantra:

No Man's Land

Last week I found out that there was a mistake made at Iscare and I was not at the top of the list for a donor. I wasn't even on the list. They hadn't been looking for a donor for me. ARRGG!!! So now they said that they are on the hunt but that it could take 4-6 weeks. I am SO TIRED OF WAITING!! I am tired of complaining. I am tired of being let down. I am just so over it.


The good news is that I am working with a new coordinator at Iscare and she has been quick to respond to my emails. She is very reassuring and takes the time to respond to all of my questions. Even if she doesn't have any answers, I like having communication so that I feel like I am doing something. Like we are moving forward.


I just started my period but it was a week late... I took several pregnancy test thinking that maybe somehow a miracle had occurred, but no. I assume it was late because of the pancreatitis. Such a cruel joke. Speaking of my pancreas, I was feeling tons better but leading up to starting my period, some pain has returned. I am still eating a very low-fat diet, no alcohol, very little meat. It is possible that I may have pain every month when I start my period. And still, we have no idea why I had pancreatitis.


I began experiencing chest and back pain last week and on Monday I decided to go to see my doc. They did an EKG and nothing was alarming so they think that it may be anxiety. Great. I have experienced a lot of anxiety in my life - even full blown panic attacks - and I have never had chest pain as a symptom. I really thought I might be having a heart attack. But whatever. I don't doubt it. I mean I am not in the best place emotionally in my life right now. BUT that means they want to put me on a pregnancy safe anti-anxiety/anti-depressant. Jason is in support of that and I guess if he thinks I need it (as he is the one who sees me everyday) then I'll take it.


That is it for now. I am still hoping that I can go to Prague the first week of May. If we push it out another cycle (June) then I would be there exactly one year after we started this whole IVF thing in Prague. Time stresses me out. I am definitely going to be 39 by the time I have a kid and that won't happen until 2017!! (That is, if I get pregnant at all.)

PART 2 of the (very) bumpy road

Somehow my whole post was not published so I will continue the story here...

After eating some very bland "real food" I was sent home to recover. I was out on sick leave for the whole week as I was still experiencing pain and totally depleted from eating next to nothing. I am still in some pain now but I am back at work.

Now back to the embryo's...

While in the hospital, I received two bits of news - first was that only one of our little snowflakes was normal. They guaranteed us two so they are on the hunt for another donor. In addition, my IVF doc instructed me to stop all of my medications and to cancel my trip to Prague due to the pancreatitis. I am so sad that I am not on a flight right now headed to Prague... I was supposed to leave today. Boo!!!

Then to make matters worse, my OB, who ran some tests for my RE in Prague called to tell me that I have a positive antiphospholipid antibody (APA) which is an autoimmune test and that she was going to refer me to the high-risk OB so they can help me through this process. What she said it basically means is that it can be a challenge for those with a positive APA to carry a pregnancy to full term and that I would need to be on injectable blood thinners for my entire pregnancy. She said she has one patient that has only ever made it to 20 weeks - with no live births and another who with the help of blood thinners just gave birth. So, yay another something to complicate this whole mess. I really am sick of hearing myself complain but WHAT THE FUCK. I am ready for a break. Seriously.

I did talk to my RE in Prague today and he assured me that we can do a natural cycle FET (so no estrogen or lupron) but that I would need to be in Prague from around ~day 7 of my cycle until day ~25 of my cycle. That is almost 3 weeks and I had just enough sick leave to cover the 2 weeks I was to be gone for this trip. Hopefully my work is ok with me taking 3 weeks of leave and about 2 weeks of it will have to be without pay. The reason that I want to do a no estrogen cycle is that estrogen can cause pancreatitis however I do not think that was the cause as I hadn't been on any estrogen for months when the pain appeared and I had only started it the day before I had the severe pancreatitis attack. In addition, he wants to transfer our one genetically normal embryo as well as an untested embryo from the new donor. It is kind of crazy to think that we could have two children with different biological mothers. Weird.

So now I have to wait for them to find a donor and I am not sure how long that will take... ugh so frustrating!! I am so ready to be a mother but there is nothing I can do except to try to get my body ready -- On the agenda is more yoga, starting a meditation practice and to try and be in the moment.

The (very) bumpy road

I just realized that half of my post didn't show up. I will post another blog update with the rest of the story...


Where do I start?

Last week I had been contact with the clinic discussing the various scenarios regarding our 2 frozen embryos and the doctor was having the results rushed. We were to call on Tuesday (March 1) to find out the fate of our little snowflakes. This was good news, as I would know before flying to Prague if we would have anything to transfer. This would also determine if the clinic would be searching for another donor - we were guaranteed 2 normal embryos.

Now to back up a bit, over the past month I have been having this pain in my abdomen. Sometimes it was just a little uncomfortable, once I considered going to the hospital but mostly it was this nagging pain that I chocked up to stress -- maybe an ulcer?

On Saturday, I had some pain after lunch but nothing to severe. Later that day I had a glass of red wine while making chicken pot pie with Jason's sister Kim -- while sitting down to eat I was hit with a hot flash and felt ill. At first I thought it was a side effect of the medications I was on to prepare for my frozen transfer in March but then the same pain in my abdomen returned and it was so severe I couldn't find a way to get comfortable. I kept moving around from the bathroom to the bedroom to the living room, trying to get comfortable. Jason brought me a cold wash cloth but nothing seemed to help. Finally I told Jason that we needed to go to the hospital. On my way out to the garage, I threw up and thought I sure hope that I am not going to the hospital for something silly like the flu. Once we get there the waiting game begins. The pain had subsided and I considered in my mind just going home. I think we waited about 1.5 hours until we were taken back to a room. They hooked me up to an IV after taking some blood. I refused pain meds as the pain was nothing like it was when I cam in and chatted with the doc about the options - possibly my gallbladder. After an hour or so, he comes back in and says -- well it's not your gallbladder, you have pancreatitis. What??!? My labs showed that my lipase was just under 7000 and the value was supposed to be less than 400. Damn. The doc said that I could finally have some water and if I tolerated that without pain, then I could go home. 

Long story short, I was admitted into the hospital and stayed for 3 days. I was on a clear liquid diet for the whole time I was admitted until I wanted to go home then I had to eat real food.