Last week I found out that there was a mistake made at Iscare and I was not at the top of the list for a donor. I wasn't even on the list. They hadn't been looking for a donor for me. ARRGG!!! So now they said that they are on the hunt but that it could take 4-6 weeks. I am SO TIRED OF WAITING!! I am tired of complaining. I am tired of being let down. I am just so over it.
The good news is that I am working with a new coordinator at Iscare and she has been quick to respond to my emails. She is very reassuring and takes the time to respond to all of my questions. Even if she doesn't have any answers, I like having communication so that I feel like I am doing something. Like we are moving forward.
I just started my period but it was a week late... I took several pregnancy test thinking that maybe somehow a miracle had occurred, but no. I assume it was late because of the pancreatitis. Such a cruel joke. Speaking of my pancreas, I was feeling tons better but leading up to starting my period, some pain has returned. I am still eating a very low-fat diet, no alcohol, very little meat. It is possible that I may have pain every month when I start my period. And still, we have no idea why I had pancreatitis.
I began experiencing chest and back pain last week and on Monday I decided to go to see my doc. They did an EKG and nothing was alarming so they think that it may be anxiety. Great. I have experienced a lot of anxiety in my life - even full blown panic attacks - and I have never had chest pain as a symptom. I really thought I might be having a heart attack. But whatever. I don't doubt it. I mean I am not in the best place emotionally in my life right now. BUT that means they want to put me on a pregnancy safe anti-anxiety/anti-depressant. Jason is in support of that and I guess if he thinks I need it (as he is the one who sees me everyday) then I'll take it.
That is it for now. I am still hoping that I can go to Prague the first week of May. If we push it out another cycle (June) then I would be there exactly one year after we started this whole IVF thing in Prague. Time stresses me out. I am definitely going to be 39 by the time I have a kid and that won't happen until 2017!! (That is, if I get pregnant at all.)
I've been thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers. I don't know why things aren't going easily for you, and it really isn't fair. I wish I could give you some kind of answer or good words of wisdom. But do know that I have high hopes for you and pray for you often.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Rachel!! So sweet of you.
DeleteWow! I can imagine that this process has been beyond frustrating for you. I am so sorry that you have to experience this. I hope that your new medication helps, and that you don't experience pain before every period!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Ashley.
DeleteHey hun. Just checking in on you and was saddened to see this updated. How frustrating. The wait throughout this journey always feels so torturous. Life continues to go on around us and we feel at a standstill at times. You're often on my mind. I wish I were younger and had eggs a plenty I could give you myself. It just doesn't feel fair that a difficult journey is made so much more so through incorrect information.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear you're feeling better/recovering from pancreatitis. Not in the least surprised your dealing with high anxiety. I hope you are working on finding ways to cope and that your support network is there for you in a big way right now.
Sending you lots and LOTS of creepy internet hugs as per usual.
Take care.
You are so sweet to even have the though of offering your eggs cross your mind. Big creepy hugs right back at ya! I have been following some updates on the Bump for you but I am excited to read your blog... just saw the updates!
DeleteOh lady...no words I can think of to help obviously. So sorry this is what you are being dealt. You will make it through. Hard days suck. Love ya.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your support. Hard days do suck! xo
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